“You Bitches.”
-Bill
It’s been level 7 balls hot down here in the ATL for the last week or so. That’s not terribly unusual since it is summer and all, but normally this level of Hace Calor is reserved for August. Being that Sunday was Father’s day and all, our usual swimming spots were unavailable cause no one was around to let us in. So there we were, The Warrenton Girls and I, plotting our next move when someone suggests we go to White Water, Atlanta’s water park. “Good damn idea,” I said. So we packed up the Exploder and off we went.
The park was more crowded than I expected, given that it was Father’s Day, but we were still able to get in fairly quickly. Besides the water, you go to water parks and pools and such to check out chicks in bathing suits. It’s in this area that White Water is sorely lacking. I’ve often said that if you’re a girl and you can’t come out of that place feeling good about yourself, then something is bad wrong with your life. First of all, every girl I hang out with has at least a modicum of dignity. Even the crazy ones. They would not wear something they have no business wearing. Least of all, a bathing suit. At White Water, dignity is thrown out of the window like the TV I left at my ex-girlfriend’s house; with extreme prejudice. Admittedly, a monkey wrench is already thrown into the plans of women who are less than figuresque. You have to wear a bathing suit. No shorts or t-shirts allowed. That makes it a bit more difficult to hide your girth, but there are different levels of coverage for bathing suits. You don’t have to just jump right into the skimpy two-piece.
Let’s say you are overweight, like a growing segment of our population, and you decide to go to White Water. Keep in mind that you’re not just sitting by the pool or lounging on the dock at the lake. You’re in an environment where thousands of people are going to see you and you’ll be tossed violently around in water rides all afternoon, this might not be the best time to wear your fur bathing suit. If you are 5’5″ and you weigh 200 pounds, how is your life gonna be better served by wearing a two-piece bathing suit? That’s like saying New Orleans could benefit from smaller levees. There’s a flood, honeybear, and you’re it!
There are times in life where you see people wearing inappropriate things. I see women at the local Publix wearing workout clothes that they ought not be wearing that close to food, but at least they’re putting in the work. They are also relatively few and far between. At White Water however, it’s like everyone of those women sent their fatter, uglier sister dressed in their skinnier, younger sister’s bathing suit. How do you put on your bathing suit, see that the retention wall is inundated with heft, and come to the conclusion that this is a good idea? I know these are the same rejects that read US Weekly and People magazine like they’re the freakin Bible, they have to know better than that. (Then again People magazine is about the reading equivalent of a McDonald’s menu).
I suppose there might be something to be said for having the “confidence” to wear a completely inappropriate swim suit to a water park, but you should only be proud of your body if you take care of it. There’s no pride in neglecting your lawn or letting your car fall apart underneath you is there? Should your body be any different?
