Biloxxxi's Woodshed

There are very few dull moments in my life, but even so, there are some moments that are even more not-dull than others. This weekend was a conglomeration of those moments. A veritable cornucopia of awesomeness, if you will (to which you respond, “and I will”). Admittedly, some moments are not blog-appropriate, if that’s even possible considering the things I’ve written about on here. But on the other hand, some moments were exceedingly blog-worthy. This is the tale of one of those moments.

We were at a friend’s house after returning from the Braves Vs. Red Sox game, a day so face-meltingly hot that I was able to drink 5 tall boys of Bud Light (at $6.75 a pop, broke now, click on some sponsored links) without having to pee. A few of us were sitting around in the living room, waiting on some of the beanheads to get ready for supper, when somehow we got on the subject of odd talents. One of the girls, Jenna, had the ability to rap the first letter of every word in a song. Once I wrapped my noggin around this concept, I would have been less surprised had she told me she could see dead people.

This may not seem like that big a deal, but let me explain. We’ll use “Hot In Herre” by Nelly as an example. This was the first one she did.

Hot in Herre chorus:
“It’s gettin’ hot in here
So take off all your clothes
I am gettin’ so hot
I wanna take my clothes off”

This is what she sang:
“I-G-H-I-H
S-T-O-A-Y-C
I-A-G-S-H
I-W-T-M-C-O”

WTF? Now, it’s easy to do this if you’re looking at the lyrics written down, like above, but it’s a whole different story when it’s coming out of your head. Go ahead, try it for yourself with a song you know by heart (If you’re white, you probably oughta use “Don’t Stop Beliving” by Journey.) Not easy, huh? We made her try it with a few more songs that were popular, (including “Don’t Stop Believing”) just to make sure she hadn’t memorized them that way. She passed with flyin’ freakin colors. I wish my cellphone hadn’t been dead so I could have gotten a video of this momentous occasion, but unfortunately, my Friday night exploits put the kibosh on that.

Now that you’ve grasped how cool of a talent that is, think about the implications of it. I asked her how she did it, and she said she just “sees” the words in her head like they’re written on a sheet of paper. Since I am essentially a lazy bastard, I like to take everything I’m marginally good at or enjoy the least little bit and wring every last ounce of the goody out of it. So naturally I started thinking about what else she could do with this super power. I was thinking along the lines of identity theft or bladder relief wands, then she told me she was in law school. If there was ever a trade other than Pro Text-Messager (Messenger?) where a hyper accute sense of abbreviation would be totally tits, it’s lawyerin’. Just imagine that she’s there defending Ole’ Biloxxxi in the libel case of the century, when the need arises to draw from some arcane trial in the 20th century, like Liebeck v. Mcdonald’s Restaurants. Argument: Much like McDonald’s Coffee, Biloxxxi just ain’t the same cold. Bam! Acquittal. I-T-G-D-F-Y-M-A!

This entry was posted on Monday, June 29th, 2009 at 6:36 pm and is filed under The Adventures. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.