People often ask me how I keep my girlish figure in such good shape. It takes more than just eating Hot Pockets, raw oysters, and ice cream cones and drinking obscene amounts of whole milk. Really what it takes is pushups and lunges. Lots and lots of lunges.
It turns out that vocabulary is also huge part of your overall well being, and unfortunately, reading the dictionary just doesn’t cut in today’s fast-paced world. Not too worry though, Ol’ Biloxi has got you covered with his official Vocab Lunges program. Basically how this works is I give you a word that I use a lot which you may not be familiar with and then I tell you what it means. Then you can know it and own it, just like lunges.
Beanhead – A beanhead is just a girl. There’s nothing derogatory about it, and I don’t really have any idea where I came up with it, but it works.
Scoogie – A scoogie is a girl with loose moral fiber. We all know girls like that.
Tallywhacker – The official term for the penis before PETA decided it was derogatory towards the Slippery Dick Wrasse.
Bird-dog – Not the actual dog. I use this term in two ways. First, to “hunt” something down. Like, “I’ll go bird-dog that song on the internet.” Second and most commonly, the over-pursuit of a girl. When you bird-dog a girl, you bug the shit out of her constantly, to the point that you probably ruin any chance you ever had with her. It makes you seem overly needy and most beanheads don’t dig that. Just let it roll, Son.
Scrompin’ – Sex, plain and simple. I like to use this term because it’s a bit more playful and lighthearted than some other alternatives. It implies that a good time was had by all.
Wallowin’ (Pronounced “Wallerin”) – This is when you’re making out with a person. Sort of like pigs wallowing around in the mud. It includes everything up until the scrompin commences.
Textbabies – What happens when you swap text messages back and forth with someone. Example: “Who you making textbabies with over there?”
Janky – When something is built rather poorly, like the deck on a mobile home.
Funemployed – Those excellent times when you’re unemployed and it doesn’t really matter. Usually the first few weeks after losing your job, before the savings run out and you go on food stamps, or when you have a job lined up but it doesn’t start for a few weeks.
Kanye – Often used as “Don’t be a Kanye.” When your ego outweighs your ability to produce. Essentially, when you realize that you are “the shit” and start telling people that you are “the shit,” that is the exact moment at which you are no longer “the shit.” Like Kanye.
Totally Tits – when something is very, very good. Example: “My new car is totally tits.”
There are probably a few more terms I use commonly, but that’s all I can think of at the moment. I’ll update as necessary.
