Biloxxxi's Woodshed

Alec Baldwin is a damn fine actor. He does drama just as well as he does comedy. He’s a celebrity, and thusly should keep his mouth shut regarding all things political, but other than that, he seems like a decent fellow. He yelled at his kid that one time, that was kind of a douchebag move, but whatever. The thing that bothers me most is the overwhelming physical enlargement of his head over the years. Seriously, his body size to head ratio is way skewed. Let’s diagram the expansion…

Beetlejuice 1988

Beetlejuice (1988) - Baldwin’s head is normal size in this classic piece of 80′s cinema. It’s a bit long when compared with Geena Davis rather Lego-shaped head, though.

The Hunt For Red October 1990

The Hunt For Red October (1990) – Here we begin to see a widening of the cranial expanse. His overall mass has increased some but not drastically. I think a test for Barry-Bonds Syndrome would come back negative.

Glengary Glen Ross 1992

Glengarry Glenross (1992) - This movie has some great one-liners in it, and if you’re a salesman, this is required viewing. But that didn’t get keep his head from getting liquored up on Wild Turkey, jumping behind the wheel of an ’83 Dodge Omni and slamming head-on into the ginormous noggin pillar.

Ghosts of Mississippi 1996

Ghosts of Mississippi (1996) – The mid 90′s were lean times for Mr. Baldwin and the width of his head showed it. At this point however, his head had already embarked on a journey that was far outside his control.

Outside Providence 1999

Outside Providence (1999) – When asked about the dramatic growth of his cranium in a 1997 article in Esquire, Baldwin responded:

“I like to think of my head as if it’s a Johnny Cash song, it has a beginning, a middle, and an end.”*

The Aviator 2005

The Aviator (2005) – In the span of just 6 short years, Arec Bardwin’s head has doubled in size and gone completely square. It reminds me of one of those blocks you break in Mario Bros. and the mushroom pops out and gives you an extra life. Oooooh, you just got 1UPed, Arec Bardwin.

30 Rock 2008

30 Rock (2008) – Two Words: F’n Largo. He’s probably on ‘roids at this point and is a shell of a man inside. But notice, he’s definitely bigger, but there’s no way his body size should necessitate a head of the enormity. It’s not even like he’s lost hair or anything so it appears bigger. The thing just spawned.

*He probably didn’t say that.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, September 22nd, 2009 at 6:20 pm and is filed under Random Hilarity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.