Biloxxxi's Woodshed

Africa is probably Toto’s biggest hit. I don’t even know if I like the song that much, but it’s catchy as shit and it will stay in your head for days. As is my way, when it got lodged firmly in my noggin Sunday, I dialed it up on Youtube. I also learned the lyrics. Let’s just say that they are legendary. The song was written by Toto keyboardist David Paich and drummer Jeff Porcaro. Through dedicated and thorough research, I’ve unearthed the story behind this song.

In early 1982, Jeff and Dave were sitting at a bar, recovering from a hard week of recording. “We need a hit song for this album.” Jeff said. “This synth-pop crap just isn’t gonna cut it.”

“No kidding.” Dave said. “What can we do? We need something fresh and different.”

They sat there for a bit, mulling things over and getting more and more intoxicated, when Jeff finally spoke up.

“I’ve got an idea.” When I was little, we went to the World’s Fair and they had these African Congo Drummers there. They do this weird thing where each drummer plays one part and it doesn’t change. They just change their dynamic. Me and Lenny (the percussionist) should do something like that. I think it would be cool.”

“That’s an idea.” Dave responded. “But what should it be about? I’d figure a song with an African beat needs to be about Africa.”

Jeff replied, “Love songs are big right now. Ten bucks says you can’t write a love song set in Africa.”

“Bullshit!” Dave fired back. “I’ll write the most ballinest love song set in Africa ever. I’ll even work Mount Kilimanjaro into that bitch.”

“You’re on, Pony Boy!” Jeff retorted. “And twenty bucks says you can’t work Olympus and Serengeti in there too, fifty if you get them all in the same line.”

With that, Dave stumbled out of the bar, intent on immediately going home and writing the most ballinest love song set in Africa ever.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Roughly a week later, Dave burst into the studio, looking haggard with a full beard. “Bah, bitches! I did it! Jeff, get back there and lay down a phat Africa beat and prepare to weep at the sheer glory of these lyrics.”

When he got to the chorus, Jeff stopped the song.

“I bless the rains down in Africa? What the hell does that even mean?”

“Dammit, I write the lyrics here.” Dave fired back. “Just play the drums.”

They started back into the song, but nobody was really impressed until Dave dropped this lyrical gem:

As sure as Kilimanjaro rises like Olympus above the Serengeti,
I seek to cure what’s deep inside, frightened of this thing that I’ve become.

Dave stood on his piano stool in triumph, whilst the other band members were washed anew in his lyrical glory. Jeff was a bit indignant about having to pay the fifty dollars, but in the long run, they all benefited from the sheer-badassery of this #1 hit.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is how you win the shit out of a bet.

Eh, what the the hell, one more time for the kids in the back…

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009 at 3:43 pm and is filed under Random Hilarity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.