It should go without saying that any Christmas song performed by Wham is going to be spectacularly horrid. Last Christmas is no exception. Wham, the duo of George Michael and Andrew Ridgeley, is probably best known for their pop song (debacle) Wake Me Up Before You Go Go. Some things are better off forgotten.
Although I’m not at all a fan of the song, it doesn’t inspire the pure hatred that Same Old Lang Syne does in me. If you actually read the lyrics, its really not a bad song on it’s own. The music isn’t very good and the video is straight up 80′s cheese, but I’ve heard worse. My major issue with it, and the reason it’s on the terrible Christmas song list, is that it’s just sad. Who wants to be sad on Christmas? No one.
Imagine back to elementary school when you were singing in the Christmas Pageant with the choir. You’re going through all the old standards, Deck The Halls, Jingle Bells, and the like, when suddenly the choir sings this line:
A crowded room,
Friends with tired eyes,
I’m hiding from you,
And your soul of ice.
My god I thought you were,
Someone to rely on.
Me?
I guess I was a shoulder to cry on.
What happens next? Children are crying. An old woman strokes out in the back of the room. Some emo kid whose cat died on Christmas Eve a couple years back slips into depression and forms another God-forsaken band that starts with The. Mass hysteria. Dogs and cats living together. All because someone confused a song that takes place on Christmas with a Christmas song.
The only reference to anything at all Christmas related in this song is in the chorus:
Last Christmas,
I gave you my heart,
But the very next day you gave it away.
This year,
To save me from tears,
I’ll give it to someone special.
Now check this out:
Last Cinco De Mayo,
I gave you my heart,
But the very next day you gave it away.
This year,
To save me from tears,
I’ll give it to someone special.
See what I did there? Now according to the loose standards applied at the Christmas radio stations we’ve got a spectacular ballad to commemorate the unlikely victory of our Mexicano friends over the Mighty Frogs in the Battle of Puebla! (Also, not a bad excuse to drink!)
I’m sure that your city is the same as mine and there’s at least one radio station playing Christmas music nonstop from Halloween till Christmas Day. That’s a lot of airtime to fill and quite frankly, anything that smells remotely like a fir tree is gonna get spun. That’s also the reason every washed-up musician from here to Saigon has a Christmas Album. It’s cheap publicity (kinda like my Tim Tebow post). That doesn’t make it right though. Let’s stop the vicious cycle.
