Wednesday, September 08, 2010 21:59

Archive for the ‘Alcohol and Alcoholism’ Category

Absinthe and the Critic

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

Drinking started off as an escape for me.  I had become too wound up in my life, and there was the issue of depression.  Part of the reason I drank in the beginning was because sobriety was disappointing at the time.  But I found that I truly enjoy beer and different liquors, so I haven’t been able to put the drink down.  However, I have changed my drinking habits, so that now I drink to enjoy what I’m drinking, not to get plastered.

In my quest for drinks I enjoy, I’ve discovered dark beers — I really like Guinness Extra Stout.  But I didn’t stop there.  I still love Jagermeister, but in the past year or so I’ve fallen madly in love with Chartreuse, and most recently with Absinthe, especially now that I can find some with at least a trace of wormwood  in it.

My first taste of GOOD Absinthe brought with it the realization of how this drink helped so many artists and writers find their muse.  The taste itself is inspirational.  There is something in its flavor, its aroma, even in the texture of the drink that awakens the imagination.  And, as I discovered just the other day, it silences that internal critic who questions every word put down on paper.

All artists have that critic, and those who find success or even fame have ways of dealing with the critic — even to the point of being able to silence it in some cases.  I have found mine.  Up to a point, alcohol silences my critic and allows me to write freely.  After a certain point, the alcohol takes over of course, and I am left unable to concentrate.

Day 0 (Day Zero)

Saturday, September 26th, 2009

Today, September 26, 2009, is Day Zero.  Today is the day I allow for everything to leave my system.  By everything, of course, I mean everything I drank last night.

Last night, we had a couple of friends over, and we drank together.  I drank most of a bottle of Southern Comfort, sharing with I didn’t drink with one of our guests.  Okay, drunk, stupid, loud, naked — the usual; no big deal.   It was 3 or 4 in the morning when I went to bed.  I want to say it was at least closer to 4.  Again, going to bed drunk as hell in the morning is no big deal for me; I used to do crap like this all the time.

Well, here’s where it all went wrong.  My son — who will be 2 in November — gets up around 7 or 8 every morning.  This morning, I woke up when one of our guests’ kids went in to check on DJ because he was already awake and no adults had woken up.  I got him out of bed and began our morning routine, drunk and sick.  Are we starting to see the problem here?

Drinking has been a big part of my life for almost a decade now.  Most of the years I’ve been drinking, I drank almost non-stop.  I was drunk every night, sick many nights, hung over every day, even drinking before and during work sometimes.  Yeah, it got bad.  But it was FUN.  Oh, man, was it fun!  Even when I calmed down and didn’t get sick or hungover unless I had the day off, it was still FUN.   Even when I calmed it down further and only drank on weekends or when we had guests, that was fun, too.  Then, I cut back to a beer or two when I drank, which was still quite often.  Hey, I did really well with that.  A beer a day keeps the demons at bay.  Or keep your friens close and your alcohol closer.  I was an alcoholic and proud of it.

Then, this morning, I was unable to be responsible for my child.  I was unable to spend much time with him today for sleeping or puking or trying to cope with the pain in my head and gut.  Not fun.  Not cool.  Not proud.  If it gets in the way of family, then it is a problem and it has to go.  And I am at a point when I can stop without much problem.  There is no alcohol in our house that I will actually drink — except for enough Chartreuse for a glass or two, but I’ve taken enough crap for drinking almost all of the rest of it that I don’t want what’s left anyway.

Tomorrow will be Day 1 of my return to sobriety.  I don’t have time anymore for drinking.  At least, not until DJ is out of the house and on his own.  And, the way things tend to go with me, by that time, I won’t be interested anymore.

So, from this day forward, no more alcohol.  And I mean it.  I promised DJ.